And what did I learn today?

Well, I learned that if I was fifty pounds heavier I would be quite desirable by chubby chasers and if I was fifty pounds lighter I would be desirable by the neighbor down the street. And that if I was more blond I would be perfect for my daughter's best friends uncle. Now, if I should decide to die my hair back to the lovely shade of red I had a couple three years back and take off about twenty pounds, a woman I met today knows a guy who would find me delightful.

For shit sake! What the hell is wrong with the way I look now? They can all just stuff it! I'm so irritated I can't decide if I should gain weight, lose weight, excersise more, excercise less, die my hair, or shave my head! I just want to be left alone damn it! If anyone so much as mentions my single status I will HURT THEM.

Sorry. I am feeling a bit CRANKY! When I said this earlier to the woman with the friend who has the "red hair fetish" she asked me if I was just maybe going through a mood swing.

NO. I AM NOT. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me because I don't have a man. I don't need one. I function quite well all by myself. I know perfectly well how to take the garbage out, toss my dirty socks and underwear on the floor, and have no problem driving around lost, refusing to ask for directions. SO THERE! I even have a pathetic looking t-shirt and raggedy old tennis shoes that I refuse to throw away because they're comfortable.

Honestly, I must be missing something because way to many people are butting into my personal life. I appreciate the fact that they think I would make a wonderful...whatever...but don't fell like dating right now. I am happy doing my own thing. Which is writing, hanging out with my daughter, and listening to my music.

Sigh. I will fall in love again when I fall in love again. It could be years, it could be days, but I want to do it all by myself. Well. That sounded kind of funny.

LOL. Okay. I am done complaining. I feel better. Time to mellow out and get my music fix. This song outta' mellow me out.

Hooch

Who got the hooch
Who got the hooch
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world

The working day was long
And the road is grinding on
And your body’s winding down again
The tribal fire’s here
And the circle speaks so near
And the simple truth so very much clearer

Who got the hooch, baby
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world
Who got the love, who got the fresh-e-freshy
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world

Let’s get real, let’s get heavy
Till the water breaks the levee
Let’s get loose, loose, who got the hooch

The birds and bees will sing
The jams begin to ring
The good vibes flow from me to you
The evening turns to night
The fire and moonlight
The dance of all who came before

Who got the hooch, baby
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world
Who got the love, who got the fresh-e-freshy
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world

Let’s get real, let’s get heavy
Till the water breaks the levee
Let’s get loose, loose, who got the hooch

Who got the hooch, baby
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world
Who got the love, who got the fresh-e-freshy
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world

Who got the hooch, baby
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world
Who got the love, who got the fresh-e-freshy
Who got the only sweetest thing in the world

Let’s get real, let’s get heavy
Till the water breaks the levee
Till the water breaks you lose
who got the hooch

I Am Blessed

I was talking to my brother the other day complaining about there not being enough hours in the day, and that it would really help me out if my daughter would give me an hour to myself. That I wish I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. And as I was prattleing on about having to entertain her, he stopped me with these words.

"I wish I was you."

I nearly fell over. Someone saying to me, "I wish I was you," is a statement that completly boggles my mind.

I replied in kind by telling him he was crazy, and that if he would like to drive my ugly chevy sprint around, work on my falling-down house, and stress about insurance, house taxes, fruit cake neighbors, and a lawn mower that refused to work, be my guest!

But he just shook his head and sighed. "I miss my kids. I miss taking them to the movies, being their soccor coach, and just being their dad. I wish I had a reason to get up other then just work everyday."

By God, he said it so quiet and sad that I nearly cried. Very rarely does my brother open up to me. VERY rarely. I can't think of more then three conversations we have had over the last few years that involved emotions. Maybe for me but not him.

He went on to tell me that someday I will have plenty of time to sleep in, lounge around the house in my pj's and I will hate it. I will miss all the flurry of activity and be all alone in my little house.

Well, I have news for him!

He's right.

I will miss my darling terribly and even though I do not get much sleep, I would not trade a moment of my awake time for more zzz's.

I hugged him. Another thing I rarely do. I am not a touchy, feely person unless it is someone really close. It's that "American bubble thing" again.

Anyway, tired, still having computer problems, and need to go to bed. My eyelids have had it for today.

Good night.

On A Brighter Note...

I read my last post and realized how awful I sounded. I must admit that not being able to write has given me some thought time.

I have developed my story idea that I was talking about the other day into at least another three books. That makes the total five now. And I have decided that main character, Blue, is going to start out not giving a damn about her own people but through personal lose, due to her insensitivity, she gains a bit of a conscience. She learns to love not only her own people but herself, whom she has been running from since she left home.

Each book will contain the five parts of her journey to restore her people and unite them as a cohesive civilization again. In her first adventure she kills the queen. The other books that follow will be about her gathering the four other fractured kingdoms under her leadership and wiping out the "fading". I am very excited about it really and I believe that is why I am so upset about not being able to use my Word Perfect. I swear, if that stupid program ate any of my stuff I will tell everyone I know what a piece of garbage that program is.

Sorry. Irritation level rising. Doesn't help that I am sick. I have a stupid summer cold. It's been so damn hot here that being outside for any length of time is unbearable. I believe I got heat exhaustion the other day when I took my daughter fishing. Came in from the heat, took a cool shower, and then ended up with the chills. I'm paying for my air conditioning now. Head hurts, nose stuffy, neck stiff and of course, no sleep.

Anyway, back to Blue. I have found lots of interesting stuff on the net and have had quite the adventure reading. I firmly have my plot in place and olny need to start writing scenes down. Okay. I will skip the complaint about the computer again. But I can always write it down and if worse comes to worse there are always the computers at the library. I can use their Microsoft Word programs - no problem! I'm half tempted to break out the master card and buy myself MS 2003. Very tempting. No. I have house taxes due.

Sigh. I want to be rich damn it. You know, my brother suggested I share a room with my daughter and get a room mate to share the expenses with. But who? I don't want a stranger in my house and I am so damn picky about smoking and drinking. I don't mind someone a bit messy but then there is that safety issue with having a child.

Nope. No roommate. I will just have to suffer. Back to Blue.

Well, I think I will do some more surfing (LOL. I typed suffering instead of surfing - shows my mental state) and check out some more websites for my story. I will post some of the more interesting ones. One freaky site is called "Order of the White Lion." It is like a religious school of thought and they teach eclectic religious and social idealism; worth a look see if nothing else. Here is the link.

http://www.orderofthewhitelion.com/index.asp

You will have to cut and paste the link. Sorry. The system is not working well and I am having trouble getting it to add a link. Couldn't get it too post at before. At least now I can do that.

Happy surfing all!

I am SOOOOO going nuts!

It has been three days since my word perfect program took a dump. I haven't been able to type anything. I am cranky, pissy, and just plain mad. NOTHING is getting written. I am now deviising ways of writing that does not include that STUPID program...and yes I hate it. Hated it the moment I started using it.

I WANT MY MICROSOFT WORD BACK!

Okay. That felt a little better. Not much, but slightly. What I really need is too hurt the person who produced the stupid program.

Lord, I need to take some deep breathes and figure out a way to get through this. I could type online and save it here on Blogspot. Then, when things are working again, I can copy the info from here and paste it on my computer. Good lord. Gonna have to kill someone for this. I'm thinking that my daughter downloaded one of her programs off the net and didn't bother to scan it. I came in and found our firewall turned off. I know it was her. She is the only other one using the stupid thing.

I can't wait until we get another computer and NO she is not allowed to use mine. Alright, done complaining. Gotta' work on the problem some more.