The Lady or the Tiger

I saw my ex at Wal-Mart the other night. He was wearing a white muscle shirt and cut-offs and damn if I didn't melt when he turned and looked at me.

My ex has these beautiful, chocolate-brown eyes and absolutely gorgeous, long lashes, and when he fixed me with his gaze my heart slid into my throat, and I couldn't breathe.

Holy crap I hate that.

Then he gave me this half-lidded look which said he knew he had that effect on me still, and causually made his way over to me, one hand in his pocket, and the other smoothing back perfectly cut, blue-black hair. He gave me a quick once over that reminded me of...well...never mind what that reminded me. Needless to say I wanted to punch him at that point.

"How are you?" He asked me. His voice was quiet, softly accented.

"Good, good. You?" Hey, it's all that would come out.

"Okay...I guess. I miss you." That's when things turned pouty and he looked at his feet, sulking.

And this is where I snapped out of it and remembered why he was my ex.

Sigh. He was a keeper too. If things had gone just a little differently, I would have made the mistake of marrying him.

Then the subject of the car came up.

You see, last year he bought me an SUV and offered it too me as a...well...I guess a bribe? An apology? He did this because he did something rather stupid which totally blew our relationship apart, and caused my already deep mistrust of men to become a bottomless chasm. And he offered this car to me again. He knew my car had died and I needed a new one. How, I am not sure but he knew.

Now, the last year or two has been hard on me. Life has left me running on empty and I have been feeling very fragil and lonely. And lately I have been questioning and analysing my choices in regards to the men of my past. Of the three men I have had relationships with, this ex, was by far, my favorite. And to have him say he still wanted me and was willing to give me a car was hard. When I looked into his face as he said this I saw his passion still burned for me. That made it even worse because my answer was the same as it was a year ago when I called it quits then.

I felt a bit like that story "The Lady or the Tiger". The door on the left contained a sexy guy along with a car, wedding ring, seven kids, constant house work and me being a personal servant. On the right was my own life, peace and quiet, a career I hoped to further, an empty bed, no car, and only my income.

Hmm. Let's see. The right, the left...Guess each one has its drawbacks but I would rather chose the one that lets me control at least part of my destiny.

Anyway, I told him thank you and we parted ways. And did I look back?

Hell yes! The rearview is just as good as the front! ;D